My nipple is on Facebook.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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