I accidentally had phone sex last night
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
