There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
