So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i drank out of a bidet.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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