dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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