he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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