In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
as a side note pls kill me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
