Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
