i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
