no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
