be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
