I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
