I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
