I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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