oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
