No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
