I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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