I faked an abortion last night.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
