Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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