I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
