Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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