tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
