No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
