Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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