The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
