Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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