I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
