Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
