Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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