Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
