I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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