Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
