That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
