He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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