if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
