new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
