Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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