Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
