Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
