Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
