TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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