I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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