My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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