Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
