this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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