I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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