do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
