fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
