I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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