2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How naked do you want me to be?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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